Crystal Catching

“So, let me make sure we’re completely clear on what I’m doing,” said the Scavenger.

“Whatever helps, friend,” said the Pilot.

“I’m going to - and please let me know if what I’m saying is completely wrong here - I’m going to eject myself from the airlock,” the Scavenger said, tapping the inner seal door to the airlock, “this airlock right here?”


“I’m then going to stabilize my forced ejection into space with…” started the Scavenger, leaving the question unfinished.

“Your blaster.”

“Right, this,” the Scavenger said, tapping the blaster holstered at the blaster at their hip, “this blaster. The one with which I usually shoot people.”

“And that goat,” added the Pilot.

“Of course, right, mostly people and also one very angry goat. I’m going to use it to stabilize my forced exit from a pressurized airlock into space.”

The Pilot simply nodded affirmative at this.

“So then I’m supposed to fly toward that,” the Scavenger began while pointing out a nearby view screen, “field of debris from the last ship that attempted this.”

“The last two, actually.”

“Oh, right, the last two ships that attempted to retrieve this crystal,” the Scavenger said, rolling their eyes. “Thank you for the correction.”

The Pilot nodded again.

“Now once I clear the terrifying debris field which, if I heard correctly, contains live explosives…”

“It does, yes.”

“Okay, I get past all the wreckage and bombs and I dive into the hole in space?” the Scavenger said very loudly, again pointing out the view screen, this time at a shimmering nothingness just beyond the debris field.

“That’s the one.”

“And once I make it through the rift in space and time, I grab the hunk of blue crystal that’s resting in a deep nothingness beyond the comprehension of mortal minds humming a tune that’s known to warp one’s understanding of the self and potentially cause rapid uncontrollable mutations.”

“Mhm, thus the ear plugs.”

The Scavenger ignored this, “And lastly I need to come back out, which will be from a random direction and at a random…”

“Velocity,” the Pilot finished.

“Right, so I’ll be launched back out of the void within a void at an unpredictable direction and speed back through the same debris field filled with explosives and you’re just going to…” the Scavenger finished, arms open in an exasperated half shrug.

“Catch you.”

“And how exactly are you going to do that?”

“I’m very good.”

“Okay, yes, fine. And the reason we’re not using a drone for this insane stunt is…?”

“The goat.”

“The goat,” said the Scavenger, adding a curse. “Wish I could shoot it again. Well, any advice?”

“Yeah - don’t miss.”